Change Your Brain, Change Your Life

Brain

Change Your Brain, Change Your Life

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Our personalities, thought patterns and emotional responses are wired into our brains, says Richard Davidson, Ph.D., author of The Emotional Life of Your Brain, but you can change your brain. Here are several exercises that will help rewire the neural pathways to help you think more positively, become more self-aware, focus better, understand social cues, ease your emotional triggers and grow more resilient.

Make Your Home And Workspace Optimistic

If you'd like to have a more positive outlook, Davidson suggests filling your home and workspace with upbeat reminders of happy times, like photos of your family or vacations. So that you don't habituate to them, he also suggests to change the photos every few weeks.

Express Gratitude

Davidson says expressing gratitude regularly will help you feel more optimistic. Make the effort to look someone in the eyes and say "thank you," and keep a journal to daily remind yourself of what's good in your life.

Compliment Others

By finding and making opportunities to compliment others, you'll train your brain to see the good in people, in life and in yourself, says Davidson.

Do A Mindfulness Meditation

If you'd like to become more self-aware, Davidson suggests regularly doing a mindfulness meditation. Choose a time when you feel the most awake and alert, sit upright, concentrate on your breathing, notice the sensations in your body and if you become distracted, simply bring your focus back to your breath.

Focus For 10 Minutes A Day

If you'd like to boost your focus and attention, Davidson recommends taking time every day for 10 minutes to sit in a quiet room with your eyes open, focus on an object (your desk lamp, a piece of art), keep your attention and eyes trained on it, and if your thoughts wander, bring them back to the object.

Pay Attention To Body Language

If you'd like to become more socially intuitive and good at dealing with people, Davidson suggests making an effort to watch people's body language while in public and try to guess what emotions they are expressing. Then, start to take notice of friends and colleague's facial cues and body language and how it corresponds to their tone of voice.

Identify Emotional Triggers

If you'd like to be less emotionally reactive and more tuned in to context, Davidson advises regularly making a list of the specific events or behaviors that triggered your response. Then spend about 15 minutes thinking about these behaviors while breathing deeply until you feel comfortable and more relaxed.

If you'd like to be more resilient, Davidson suggests doing this exercises for five to 10 minutes at a time, four or five times a week: Visualize someone you know who is suffering--a neighbor who is ill or a friend struggling in their marriage--and on each inhalation imagine that you are taking on that suffering. On each exhalation, imagine the suffering is transformed into compassion, which will help ease the person's pain.

Ten Horrible Reasons To Get Rich

For the nearly 10% of working Americans who are unemployed (and the many thousands more who may be hanging onto jobs by their fingernails), having a pile of money sounds like a high-class problem they'd be thrilled to have. But here’s the deeper truth: Getting rich is a result, not a reason--and the reasons really do matter, if happiness and fulfillment are your ultimate goals. With that, here are ten horrible reasons, in and of themselves, to get rich.

It's A Way To Keep Score

Donald Trump, a man who compulsively asserts how smart or beloved he is in every conversation, repeatedly tells people, “Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.” For once, The Donald is dead-on. Those who amass a fortune exclusively to best (or belittle) competitors inevitably find their endeavors dissatisfying. Making money for the sake of it isn't much different than, as the saying goes, shooting fish in a barrel. You get what you’re after, but when you do you feel, "Is that it?"

It Will Enhance My Sense Of Self-worth

Not only can't money buy happiness, it doesn’t do all that much for your self-esteem. That's because self-esteem (with all apologies to Oprah and the rest) derives in large part from how others react to us--and that reaction tends to change with the size of your wallet. It's a pernicious little paradox: If people learn that you are wealthy before they know you or work with you, they often are incapable of praising you lest the favorable feedback seem like syrupy ingratiation.

It's Liberating

Think money will set you free? Make enough of it and you'll have to deal with what shrinks call "correspondence bias"--the tendency of people to form complex yet uninformed impressions based on a single attribute, i.e. your wealth. That sounds like it's their problem, when in fact it becomes your problem. Example: One of my clients, beloved for his cut-up personality, unhappily adopted a more demure version of himself after his company went public. "Now that I have money I cannot do [this or that]," he kept saying. "It wouldn't be fitting." Irony alert.

I'll Meet My Dream Girl Or Guy

Nerds have tried to woo beautiful women by amassing wealth since the dawn of time. It works--for awhile. Then the doubt creeps in: "Do people love me for who I am (as a person), or what I am (super-rich)?” Understand that money has never converted a frog into a prince: That happens only after a person does the self-analytic work it takes to find passion and purpose in their life. Without it, get ready for a string of encounters with well-dressed gold-diggers.

I'll Retire and Enjoy Life One Day

Sounds great, right? Work hard for 15 years, bank a few million or more, and then open a Tiki bar in Fiji. That's not how it works, though. When you are in a career for the money, your most recent earnings statement becomes a floor you must exceed in successive years or be deemed a failure. Psychologists have shown that as a result of these exhilarating rewards, a high earner experiences chemical changes in the brain comparable to those produced by cocaine. In other words, moneymaking, for some personality types, becomes addictive. Hence the passage: "Those who love money will never have enough." [Ecclesiastes (5:10)]

A World of New Experiences and Challenges Will Open Up For Me

Here's another vexing paradox for wealth builders: The richer you get, the more threatened you might be by the thought of leaving your comfort zone and confronting new challenges. Chalk this up to something (yes, we shrinks have a name for this, too) called catastrophizing--the tendency to overestimate the significance of any given negative event. Simply put: Many wealthy people are used to succeeding, which means they grow ever more terrified of failing, thus hemming them--oddly terrified and starved of adventure--inside their comfort zones.

I'll Have No Problems, Just Expenses

From the outside looking in, it seems that with enough money you can fix any problem life throws at you. To an extent this is true, but the relief, be assured, is ephemeral. A chronic reliance on buying (hiring) resources can breed a host of psychological hiccups--the worst being a loss of self-efficacy, which left unchecked can blossom into depression. Just as muscles weaken if not flexed on a regular basis, your ego will atrophy if you have a phalanx of assistants catering to your every need. Forfeiting control over the little things can leave you feeling--faster than you can imagine--incapable of wrestling with life's simplest challenges. And that ain't a good feeling.

I'll Never Sweat the Small Stuff

Because sycophants do their bidding at warp speed, folks with money never develop what psychologists call "frustration tolerance"--that is, the ability to calm oneself during the interval between sensing a desire and becoming enraged by the thought that it might not be fulfilled. The most common symptom of this--a tantrum that only rich people can pull-off without being arrested--is called the DYKWIA? ("Do You Know Who I Am?") meltdown. In a word: ugly.

I'll Be A Good Provider for My Family

Sure you will--as measured by your credit card bill. But if face time is part of being a good provider (and any good shrink will tell you that it is), then get ready to fall short. Eighty hour work weeks don't leave much time for Little League games, PTA meetings or anniversary dinners.

I'll Be Safe

Having money means you'll eat well, have a roof over your head and be able to put your children in college. All very comforting. But safety--in the sense of experiencing inner peace and general rightness with the world--can't be bought with cash, especially given that the rich aren't exactly allowed to gripe about their inner turmoil. It’s one thing if a laid-off teacher says, “Life sucks," but how can someone earning eight figures say that?

Benefits Of Early Risers

Several studies have correlated waking up early with success. Here's a breakdown of the benefits reaped by early risers.

Earn Better Grades

In a 2008 Texas University study, college students who identified themselves as "morning people" earned a full point higher on their GPAs than those who were "night owls" (3.5 vs. 2.5). Good grades help students secure better career opportunities

More Proactive

Harvard biologist Christoph Randler discovered in 2008 that early risers are more proactive. They were more likely to agree with statements like "I spend time identifying long-range goals for myself" and "I feel in charge of making things happen."

Anticipate Problems

Randler's research also revealed that "morning people" are more likely to anticipate problems and minimize them efficiently, which leads to more successful in the business world.

Better Planners

Early risers report using their morning quiet time for organization, goal-setting and planning out their days and weeks ahead.

Time To Exercise

Many successful businesspeople get up early to exercise (before the family is awake and their official work days start). Regular exercise boosts mood and fitness, provides energy on the job and helps create deeper sleep cycles.

Get Better Sleep

Sleep experts say that if you go to bed earlier and wake up earlier, your body will be more in tune with the earth's circadian rhythms, which offers more restorative sleep.

More Optimistic

Various studies have shown that morning people exhibit character traits like optimism, being agreeable, satisfaction and conscientiousness. Night owls, while linked with creativity and intelligence, are more likely to exhibit traits like depression, pessimism and being neurotic.

Easier Commutes

Several early risers report easier, less congested commutes due to leaving earlier than the crowds.

A Quiet Hour

Those who arrive at the office before their colleagues say they relish that first hour or two that provide quiet, uninterrupted time to focus.

More Family Time

If you've gotten a jump on the day, you'll have more quality time in the evenings to spend with family. Instead of bringing work home, you can relax and unwind.

Eight Simple Ways To Lose Weight And Keep It Off

The countdown to Memorial Day has begun. Just in time, best-selling author Kathy Freston has new book The Lean: A Revolutionary (and Simple!) 30-Day Plan for Healthy, Lasting Weight-Loss, which offers easy tricks to shed pounds fast and keep them off for good.

Crowd Out Instead Of Cut Out

Instead of a strict diet that tells you all the things not to eat, Freston suggests a better way: crowd out instead of cut out. Essentially, you focus on what to do vs. what not to do by slowly working good habits into your routine. After time, you're eating and drinking so many healthy things that you don't have room for the bad stuff.

Eat An Apple A Day

 

To keep the doctor away and melt pounds, Freston suggests eating an apple every day. These fruits are full of an especially good fiber called pectin, she says, which slows down the process of digestion and keeps you feeling fuller for longer.

Drink Eight Glasses Of Water A Day

 

Freston advises drinking an 8-ounce glass of water at least eight times a day, and more importantly, to drink water immediately before a meal. This technique, called pre-loading, literally fills up your stomach so you get full faster and don't eat as much. In one study, participants who drank two cups of water before eating lost five pounds more fat than those who did not.

Work Flaxseed Into Your Routine

 

Freston says one of the easiest things you can do to speed weight-loss is to add two tablespoons of flaxseed into your daily regimen--mixed into your morning oatmeal, blended with a smoothie or sprinkled over soup or salad. Flaxseed is full of fiber so fills you up and keeps you feeling full. It can be found in the health food section of the grocery store or a specialty store like GNC.

Switch Dairy Milk For Non-Dairy Milk

 

Freston describes dairy milk as designed to nourish a baby calf and help it quickly put on a thousand pounds. Because adult humans don't need the fat, lactose and growth hormones, she advises switching dairy milk for a non-dairy alternative like soy, almond, hemp or rice milk.

Replace Some Animal Products With Plant-Based Foods

 

One of the good things about Freston's plan is that she advises eating the foods you love but swapping in healthier alternatives where possible. An easy trick is switching one animal product in your routine for a plant-based product. Instead of hamburger, have a veggie burger. Instead of a chicken taco, have a black-bean taco. Over time, these little changes add up.

Schedule Your Day

Just as you would schedule your workday with clearly defined meeting times, goals and to-do lists, Freston advises scheduling your eating and exercise habits to help hold yourself accountable. As you move through the day (8AM: oatmeal with flaxseed, 11AM: apple and water, etc.), you'll feel accomplished as you check things off your list. 

Stop For Five Minutes A Day

 

Many of us are emotional or thoughtless eaters, shoving down food in a trance-like state. To curb this bad habit, Freston recommends stopping for five minutes a day, closing your eyes and reviewing your state of being mentally and physically. Then you'll be less likely to over-eat as a way of self-soothing because you've taken a moment to register how you're feeling and why.

Yes, Your Boss Is Crazy

In his research, Nassir Ghaemi, M.D., professor of psychiatry at Tufts Medical Center and author of A First-Rate Madness, has found a connection between mental illness and great leaders. In times of crisis, he says the most effective leaders have often suffered from mild depression and bipolar disorder. Well, that confirms it. Your boss is crazy. Here are some easy strategies to manage a difficult manager.

Identify The Boss's Management Style

Executive coach and author of Make Difficult People Disappear, Monica Wofford says managers usually fall into one of four categories: a commander, focused on results; an organizer, focused on accuracy and process; a relater, focused on getting along; and an entertainer, focused on being appreciated. 

Understand The Boss's Needs

Once you've determined the boss's style and personality, you should be in a better position to understand what they want from you. Someone focused on results wants to see you get results or talk to you about how to get them. A people-person boss might want to connect on a more personal level. 

Communicate In A Language They Will Understand

 

You have to meet the boss where they live. Don't offer a diatribe if your boss only wants the highlights. Similarly, if your boss gets defensive when you ask pointed questions, soften the way you ask and frame them.

Consider Timing

 

When broaching difficult issues, pick your timing carefully. Your boss may prickle by being challenged in front of others. Instead, pull them aside one-on-one at a time that is calm and not stressed by deadlines.

Set Boundaries

 

It's important to set boundaries to establish conditions that will help you be successful. If your boss interrupts you constantly by stopping by your desk, ask politely if you could finish the project and then meet at a specific time to speak. If you are being overburdened with assignments, remind the boss of what you're working on and ask which are priority.

Ask Questions

 

When dealing with a manager who doesn't give specific instructions or expectations or changes their mind frequently, ask questions that will make it easier for them to articulate what they want. For example: When would you like the proposal? About how many pages were you thinking? In the same format as the last one?

Don't Take It Personally

 

For an emotionally explosive boss, it's critical not to take it personally. Usually they need to get something out of their systems and are over it in 20 minutes, says Wofford. However, if you do take it personally and react, it 

Point Out Mixed Messages

If you're dealing with a two-faced boss and don't know what you're going to get from moment-to-moment, Wofford suggests helping the person understand their behavior by, politely, pointing out contradictions. 

Ask For Constructive Feedback

 

If you don't know where you stand with the boss or feel ignored, ask for feedback on a project-by-project basis. It could be framed as: How would you rate my performance on that project on a scale of one to 10? How could I get closer to 10 on the next one?