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How to Craft the Perfect Apology
Looks like simply saying sorry doesn’t fix everything after all. (We’re guessing you’ve figured that one out.) If you want people to truly forgive you, you have to apologize with both words and actions, according to a new study in the Journal of Positive Psychology.
In the study, an unknown “partner” stiffed subjects when it came to
evenly splitting up raffle tickets, then apologized. But only half of
the subjects received their fair share of the tickets. No surprise, the
subjects who received tickets and an apology were more likely to forgive the partner compared to the folks who only got a “sorry.”
So how can you make the apology equation work for you? Consider the following scenario: You blew off dinner with her and her
family because you had to work late. How do you get yourself out of the
dog house? Here’s your three-step guide.
“First, acknowledge that this is your fault,” says relationship counselor Karen Sherman, Ph.D., author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, Make It Last. Instead of blaming your absence on your job or your boss, confess that you should have been more on top of your game so you could leave the office at a reasonable hour. She’s already annoyed with your lack of consideration for her time. So by taking responsibility for your poor planning, you’ll validate that she’s not getting worked up over nothing, says Sherman.
2. Make Amends
Now it’s time to apologize. “Tell her that you’re sorry, and that you
realize how this makes you look to her parents,” advises Sherman. By
acknowledging the repercussions of your actions, you’re showing her that
you take ownership of the issue and that you actually care about what
her family thinks of you, Sherman says.
3. Fix Your Mistake
Your last move: Physically make up for the mistake. Invite her
family over for dinner or make plans the following weekend. That way,
your apology has both parts: words and actions. (What if your slip-up happened at the office instead of at home? Don’t fret.
Learn How to Recover From Any Mistake.)
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