Today's Tips on Pets
6 Secrets of Dogs Revealed
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It's
no surprise that I love animals. They've always been a part of my life
as a farm kid and as a veterinarian, and I was fortunate to marry a
woman who feels the same way. We've always had pets as part of our
family, and we simply can't imagine our Almost Heaven Ranch without the cats, dogs, horses, wild animals (elk, turkeys, wolves - yes, wolves!) and many more who share our land.
With our own animals, we have certainly learned to laugh at living with
them. They probably think we're pretty funny, too, sometimes: The dogs
laugh with us, and the cats laugh at us!
Since I previously wrote about "The Secret Life of Cats," I thought I'd do the same about dogs. Here's what I came up with:
1. Bedroom Secrets Revealed: In the sack, dogs have it made.
They get their choice of where to sleep and how long to sleep. In the
classic paintings, dogs are shown asleep, a contented crescent of fur at
their master's feet. Not so today! Dogs stretch out on the bed with
their body trapping the human occupants on a narrow strip of real
estate, their feet acting like tension springs to hold away other
bodies; I call this fur-nomenon "furban sprawl." They also get to be
dog-breathed alarm clocks, as they wake you up to eat or go outside and do their business, even on days you can sleep in otherwise. Dogs know better than to sleep in - carpe diem is their motto, or should that be carpe canem?
2. A Little Privacy, Please? When dog owners go into the
bathroom, their pets don't care that this should be "alone time." As you
sit on the john, they move into position at your feet to get petted.
How many arms do they think you have? If you stop petting to attend to
other business, they get impatient, running their faces up through the
leg holes of your underwear into areas you want left alone. How would
they like it if when they started sniffing and circling, we suddenly
rushed over and stuck our noses you-know-where?
3. Flexibility Is So Much Fun: You see your dog stop in midwalk
or wake up from a nap and lick himself in hard-to-reach places for what
seems like forever. Sure, he has an itch, but licking for five minutes?
That's just showing off! Then, after using his tongue as toilet paper,
he wants to give you a great big slurpy kiss...and we let our dogs do
this! And while fun is fun, be sure to report any excessive or
persistent licking to your veterinarian - especially if you see red
areas or other abnormalities.
4. What's in the Box? Speaking of the things dogs will get their mouth on if you let them … those of you who have both dogs and cats know the grossest dog treat ever. As a veterinarian, I understand why dogs dig through the litter box for "treats" if you give them a chance - it's the protein left in the poop. But as a human being, all I can say is … YUCK!
5. Trick of the Treats: We need to have our dogs negotiate for
hostage releases. Why? Because they can get anything they want every
time they want it. The veterinarian has told you that your dog
is overweight and that you need to cut back on the treats you're
giving. But then you get home, and your dog stands by the drawer or
cabinet that holds the treats and looks at you, then at the drawer, then
at you again, his eyes like molten caramels oozing out a plea for just
one, please, mama? You give in, and one becomes "won" as he does the
furry tap dance and you enjoy his lip-smacking, tail-wagging pleasure.
Next time at the veterinarian, you'll fear the scale.
6. Rake Crisis Center: You're eating, watching TV or trying to
go to sleep, and your dog insists on some heavy petting. You try to take
a bite, change channels or adjust a pillow, and your pet panics the
instant your hand leaves her body. The pleasure-pig roots you with her
snout or rakes you with extended claws on her paw and pulls your hand
back to her body. To your dog, this daily massage translates to "There's
no place like (h)ommmmmm(e)."