9 habits that will make you more of an influence in your business

Today's Life Tips

9 habits that will make you more of an influence in your business

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When most people often let outside factors influence them, influential people remain stable and collected, no matter what life throws at them.

These nine behaviors that influential people display over and over again help them both in their professional and personal lives.

1. They form their own opinions

Influential people will never change their opinion or stance based on if it is popular or if trends are changing. They’ll change an opinion if they are provided facts that may support or disprove knowledge that they have previously known, but aren’t swayed by what people think, instead of what they know.

Listen Now: A Conversation on Character

2. They ask the right questions

Influential people will never just settle with things at face-value. They’ll ask, “what if?” and “why not?” By challenging conventional wisdom, they allow for those they come into contact with to also think for themselves.

3. They engage everyone

When influential people speak their thoughts, they tend to start conversations like wildfire. The ripple effect also not only spreads their own ideas, but people around them will explore different ideas and bring about new thoughts to their work.

4. They maintain the right relationships

Making meaningful, lasting connections is something that influential people know will help expand their own knowledge. By adding value to every part of their networks, they can also connect others in their own networks who also can build off one another.

5. They focus on what truly matters

Trivial matters do not take up the time and energy of influential people. They take the time to speak and learn about the important things in life to share with others.

6. They welcome any challenges to their own arguments

When influential people are challenged by those who disagree with their opinions, they do not become aggravated or immediately dismiss these ideas. They open up their minds and reflect on their own opinions to see if the other has valid points or sources of information that contradict their own. They humbly acknowledge if they are mistaken, or point out relevant facts to support their stance.

7. They are opportunists

Influential people don’t wait for exciting new ideas or technologies to just drop into their laps; they are seeking these things out on a daily basis. By wanting to anticipate what might come next, they are intentionally looking for the positive changes making their ways into the world, and they are ready to spread them.

8. They take the time to reflect before making decisions

If they face opposition or criticism, or if they witness someone else making a critical mistake, influential people don’t immediately make a decision or react based on their emotions. Emotions can influence people greatly, so the most influential people make sure that the emotions spread are positive ones.

9. They truly believe in what they do

Influential people aren’t fake. They actually do practice what they preach, for if they didn’t, how would people take them seriously? By believing in their own talents and success, they help others realize their own beliefs in what they do.

Today's Life Lessons

 

 

20 Essential Life Lessons For Happiness And Success

http://www.forbes.com 

Laura Shin

A recent birthday got me reflecting on my journey to this age, and I’m happy to say that, compared with the younger me, I’m much more at peace with myself, content with my life, confident of what I want and sure of how to get there.

often write about how to attain career and money success, and while many practical tips can get you ahead, your personal approach to professional and financial matters, as well as your way of dealing with your own demons, will take you to even higher heights than any amount of knowledge can.

Here are some lessons I’ve learned over the years. Hopefully they’ll prove as useful to you as they have been to me.

1. Know that  what you focus your mind on grows bigger.

This tip, which I learned in an incredible course called Something Different for Women (currently on hiatus), helped get me out of a funk and turn my life around — simply by changing my mindset. If you constantly think about bad things in your life, like your annoying coworker or a recent mistake, then she/he/it will take up a disproportionate amount of your mental space. On the other hand, if you focus instead on your recent successes, your new goals and your fun coworkers, not only will your days be more pleasant and the irritating coworker or temporary defeat fade to the background, but the positive things in your life will grow and flourish.

As the unattributed quote goes, “Watch your thoughts for they become words, watch your words for they become actions, watch your actions, for they become habits, watch your habits for they become your character, watch your character for it becomes your destiny.” Having a mind filled with negative thoughts will lead to a negative life, and a mind filled with positivity will breed a positive one.

                                                  

                                                                             (János Csongor Kerekes/Flickr)

2. Don’t take things personally.

Many freelance writers pitch story ideas to editors and then, if the editor doesn’t respond, immediately assume that s/he hated the pitch and hates the writer — and 99.9% of the time, the editor is just busy. Even when people aren’t busy but mean, it’s not about you – it’s about them. They had a bad day, a bad childhood or haven’t eaten lunch yet. I once worked with someone who was mean, but I knew she would have been mean whether I was there to be the victim or not.  Your life will be much happier if you don’t mentally wound yourself by making other people’s actions about you.

3. Express gratitude — daily.

The first two guidelines are not easy to follow. But one habit that will smooth their adoption is taking a moment daily to acknowledge the good in your life. (Swallow any temptation to resist because you think it’s cheesy. It takes courage to not give a damn about what others think of you and instead be sincere.) Write a gratitude list of at least five things that you email to yourself, or before dinner, have each family member say what he or she is each grateful for. Pick a method that works for you — writing it down or sharing it with others. (Just don’t do it mentally to yourself, as the ritual won’t stick.) Expressing gratitude exercises your positivity muscle and makes it easier to remain even-keeled during bad times. When you get laid off, a practice of gratitude will remind you you still have your health, or if you have a bike accident, you’ll be especially grateful for your friends and family.

4.  Stand up for yourself but don’t act entitled.

There’s a fine line dividing the people who think they are owed everything and the people who are scared to ask for everything. Don’t be on either side of this line. If you’re not sure if you’re being exploited or treated poorly, ask your friends and family or others in your line of work what’s appropriate. If you think the other party is taking advantage of you, speak up for yourself. On the other hand, be aware when you haven’t earned something. Others will be less inclined to help you if you act as if you are owed the world on a platter.

5.  Ask for 100% of what you want from 100% of people 100% of the time.

I got this amazing advice during an incredible writing workshop held by my fellow Forbes contributor David Hochman, who learned it in David Richo’s book How to Be an Adult. As long as you know you are not on the entitled side of the line mentioned above, being upfront about your needs and wants eliminates a lot of angst and inconvenience and discomfort in your life — and makes room for ease. Just ask for what you want instead of wringing your hands over whether to, how to or what’s reasonable to. Unless your request is outrageous, which you should know in your gut (or from asking friends and colleagues), the worst that can happen is that the answer is no. Reasonable requests shouldn’t damage the relationship, and if someone thinks less of you because you dared state what you need, find better people to work with in the future.

6. Learn to like rejection. 
 
Every rejection means you’re one rejection closer to the next yes. As Hochman says, “You’ll never write for The New Yorker unless you pitch The New Yorker.” So, always put yourself out there, and get used to being rejected. No one will ever have a perfect batting average, so pile up the rejections in order to get the yeses.

7. Recognize that money gives you freedom.

I used to be interested in pretty much everything but money. If that describes you too, remember that if you don’t take care of your money, you could become a slave to debt and lack the freedom to pursue your goals. Get a budget and learn the basics of personal finance so you don’t fritter your money away on things you don’t value. (For a primer, check out this series on financial accounts, budgeting, cutting costs, and negotiating salary and raises, and read about how I manage my own finances.) You’ll be happiest when you spend in line with your values, but doing so takes conscious effort.

8. Always negotiate. 

 

Every little bump in salary or fee you negotiate for yourself will mean bigger future boosts and more money over your lifetime.  And that will make it much easier for you to accomplish your goals, whether related to your career, buying a house, getting married, sending your kids to college or traveling. (Again, check out that all important article on negotiating.) Learn to ask for more money than you’re comfortable asking for.

9. Start investing early.

Investing early makes saving money, especially for the difficult task of amassing a retirement nest egg, much, much easier. As I wrote in my story on investing secrets, “If Person A saves $5,000 a year from age 25 to 40 for a total of $75,000 and then never invests another penny, and Person B invests $5,000 every year from 40 to 65 for a total of $125,000 invested, assuming 5% growth, Person A will end up with more than $400,000 by retirement, while Person B will only have $256,000, simply because Person A started saving earlier, even if she put away less.” Just by starting earlier, you could have $150,000 more by retirement! This is the equivalent of someone offering you a free $150,000 right now with the only catch being that you have to wait for the money till retirement. If they did, you would take the offer, yes? Then, start saving and investing asap and make it a lifelong habit. (Read the investing secrets that will help you beat other investors, and avoid the top mistakes investors make.)

10. Do one thing at a time.

This bit of Zen wisdom is more relevant than ever. Eat when you eat. Walk when you walk. Enjoy the flavors and textures of your food. Pay attention to the feel of your bare foot on the wood floor. Don’t multitask. This takes conscious effort. Sometimes I absentmindedly pick up my phone to check Facebook just to walk from one room to another. Flooding your mind with these distractions uses mental energy and depletes your brain power for important undertakings. Set rules around your gadget use, single task as much as possible, and appreciate the extra energy you have. (Read here for more tips on how to decrease noise in your life and use stress to your advantage and how to perform at your peak every day.)

11. Accept and enjoy where you are right now.

Life is always changing and soon the current rhythm of your days will morph into something new. There was a period when I was upset about being unmarried, but then I realized that I might someday miss my single days. Now I make sure to enjoy every one.

12. Get a regular dose of nature.

Every day, connect with nature in some way, large or small. Even if your schedule is packed, spend a minute observing the patterns the raindrops make against your window. Watch a tree as it bends and moves with the wind. And yes, smell the roses. Studies have shown that nature has a rejuvenating effect, and appreciating it is an easy way to be present in the moment.

13. Sweep your side of the street.

Another pearl of wisdom from the Something Different course. If you have a problem with someone and need to air it out with them, first figure out what you did wrong. You can’t find a solution to the problem until you also know how you contributed to it, and they won’t make peace until you acknowledge your role.

14. Know that people who talk about other people behind their backs are also talking about you behind yours.
 

These people aren’t real friends. The world has plenty of non-gossips from among whom you can choose true friends.

15. Don’t hold a grudge.

In the spirit of asking for 100% of what you want from 100% of people 100% of the time, if you need to cut someone out of your life, do so. But holding a grudge saps your energy. (Remember — what you focus your mind on grows bigger!) So, set boundaries but don’t stew over the reason you had to establish them. Learn your lesson, then move on.

16. Always put in your best effort, so that you never have regrets or wonder ‘what if.’

Sometimes, special opportunities come along in life. Whether or not you get any particular one is not that important, because even if you don’t get this one, another opportunity will come along. But what will leave a lasting effect is not trying your best, not getting the gig, and being left wondering, What if? Don’t do that. Put your best foot forward so you know whether you were judged on your true merit and not a half-baked effort.

17.  Lasting change in life starts with daily habits.

If you imagine a different future for yourself, don’t think that you’ll suddenly shed your current life one day and become an entirely new person. What can you do now to get there? Start incorporating that into your life today. Eventually that habit will snowball, and through a combination of persistence and luck, you’ll find yourself in the life you once dreamed of. As E.L. Doctorow said, ‘Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.’”

18. Ask yourself, “Will this matter in a year?”

Another Hochman gem. When you face certain decisions — i.e. taking a couple days off work to take a trip with your aging parents or turning down social events for a couple weeks to do a stellar job for your dream client — go with the course that you’ll be glad you chose a year from now.

19. Treat others with kindness and understanding.

Everyone has his or her own baggage, problems and worries, and is also striving for happiness and the freedom to pursue his or her own dreams. It’s not a winner-take-all kind of situation. Helping someone out, being nice to them or even just smiling at a stranger will have ripple effects. If you’ve ever had someone do something nice for you, you’ve probably felt the compulsion to pay it forward, so set that chain in motion yourself. Kindness costs little but pays rich rewards to everyone.

20. Know that  how you use your mind is in your power.

Underlying all the above principles is the fact that at every moment, you have a choice as to how to use your mind, and that, in turn, gives you control over the course of your life. You can act with love or hate, kindness or meanness, big-heartedness or pettiness, mindfulness or absentmindedness — and the more you opt for the first of those choices, the more love, kindness, big-heartedness and mindfulness you’ll have in your life.

5 Habits of Truly Amazing Communicators

Today's Life Tips

 

5 Habits of Truly Amazing Communicators

By Lea McLeod, M.A. 

June 20, 2014

When it comes to job coaching, almost every conversation I have with a client involves the topic of communication. The motives can vary widely: Some people want to be more assertive, others need help with conflict management, and still others find it hard to speak their minds in a group setting.

As I reflect on all the conversations I have, I realize that most of the time, we’re not talking about complex ideas. It’s really the basics about workplace communication that seem to trip most people up.

So, since we could all use a good reminder, here are the top five things I help my clients with when it comes to communication. Identify the ones that you need to work on, and start moving them into your conversation skill set today.

 

1. Stop Saying “But” and Start Saying “And”

Do you ever catch yourself saying things like, “I love that idea, but we need to do it differently?”

As soon as you say the word “but,” the other person immediately forgets the part about you loving the idea. Because you completely invalidated it with the “but” and everything that came after it.

Instead, use “and:” “I love that idea, and I think a slightly different approach would be most effective.”

Hear the difference?

In her book Bossypants, Tina Fey breaks down the rules of improv. One of those rules is to always say “yes, and….” This shows respect for what your partner has to say (even if you don’t agree), helps you keep an open mind about the act, and invites you to contribute to the conversation by building on the other person’s idea or adding your own ideas. Same goes for communicating at work.

 

2. Stick With the Facts

Often, I’ll hear someone make a statement that most likely isn’t rooted in fact—like, “She’s out to get me,” “My boss hates me,” or “I know she’s sorry she hired me.”

I always respond with a few questions: “Is that a fact? Did she tell you that, or are you drawing a conclusion based on observations?”

Communicating effectively is difficult enough; don’t add to it by making up stories that aren’t based in reality. Good communicators stay rooted in facts.

Remember that the facts of any issue could be quite different from your perception of it. Maybe the way you see a situation has to do with your unique work style, or simply that your boss is totally stressed out and taking it out on you. No matter what, unless you have the facts, it’s best to refrain from color commentary and focus on getting to the root of the issue.

 

3. Avoid “Position Defending”

When people cite communication issues in the workplace, it’s often less about communication and more about defending their position.

For example, let’s say that two co-workers, Megan and Jason, are discussing a project. Megan says, “This project is overwhelming the team; we need more help.” Jason says, “We’ll be able to handle it. Everyone will just have to put in some extra hours.”

Instead of having a meaningful dialogue about what defines each of their observations, Megan gets frustrated because Jason “isn’t hearing her.” And Jason thinks Megan sounds like a broken record, going on about how overwhelmed she is.

That’s not communication. That’s position defending.

Great communicators, on the other hand, ask questions and strive to understand all sides of the issue—instead of constantly repeating their side of the story.

For example, Jason might say, “What parts of the project are overwhelming to you?” or, “Tell me more about what you’re seeing as the bottlenecks.”

And Megan might say, “It sounds like we have completely different views on the project. I’m wondering if additional hours will really solve the problems I see,” or “Should we review the scope of the project and make sure the additional hours are realistic for the resources we have?”

Do you see how simply exploring others’ ideas can help you rise above your frustration and get you to higher ground?

In the iconic tome The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey espoused, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” We should all be willing to understand the other as much as we want our own point of view to be understood.

 

4. Use Silence as Strategically as You Use Words

Many conversations become unproductive because the participants are too busy worrying about what to say next to really listen to each other. To remedy this, strive to take advantage of moments of silence.

While you may think that silence is negative or uncomfortable, it serves conversation by allowing listeners time to process what’s been said and giving speakers time to organize their thoughts before responding—without feeling rushed.

So, the next time you’re in a dialogue and it deserves your full attention, find an opportunity to practice silence. Spend a few extra moments absorbing what’s been said and intentionally thinking through your response before you speak. Learn to value and leverage those moments of silence instead of fearing them—as a way to build a better dialogue.

 

5. Actively Engage the Other Point of View

When a U.S. college student recently returned from an internship with a major hotel chain in the U.K., I asked him what the most challenging part was.

He responded that he was surprised by the tremendous diversity in the workplace in the U.K. Every person seemed to have come from a different country and spoke with a different dialect.

The biggest challenge, he said, was communicating with his co-workers in a way in which they could truly understand him. To do that, he had to get a sense of where they came from, how well they spoke English, and their assigned job. And typically, that was different for each and every person.

What a great example of high performance communication!

For people to really hear you—and you to hear them—you need to understand that everyone carries filters, beliefs, assumptions, experiences, and cultural influences that shape their point of view. The most difficult part? You can’t physically see any of these things.

In short, just because you say something, it doesn’t mean that others hear you. Great communicators take time to understand where others are coming from, whether it’s influenced by cultural, professional, or personal factors. Once you understand those differences, you can communicate in a way that enhances your ability to be heard.

 

Great communicators may be born—but (er, and) they’re also made. Try using at least one of these strategies this week, and see how you can up your communication effectiveness. Your colleagues will notice, and you’ll find new confidence and level of satisfaction in your work.

Today's Life Tips

 

Written By A Cop ~ It Could Save A Life

WRITTEN BY A COP: IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE!

In daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...

After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. 

It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do : 

The elbow is the strongest point on your body. 

If you are close enough to use it, do! 

2. Learned this from a tourist guide. 

If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. 

Toss it away from you.... Chances are that he is more interested 

in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse.. 

RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION! 

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, 

kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy.. 

The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. 

 This has saved lives. 

4. Don't sit in your car!

Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., 

and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) 

The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to 

get in on the passenger side, put a weapon to you, and tell you where to go. 

AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, 

Repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! 

Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. 

Your Air Bag will save you. 

If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. 

As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. 

It is better than having them find your body in a remote location. 

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: 

A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor , and in the back seat. 

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. 

Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the 

women are attempting to get into their cars. 

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side.

If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, 

or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. 

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.) 

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. 

Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. 

(This is especially true at NIGHT!) 

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! 

The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then, 

it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably in a zig -zag pattern! 

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: 

STOP 

It may get you raped, or killed. 

Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played 

on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often 

asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim. 

9. Another Safety Point: 

Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her 'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door..' 

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.

10. Water scam! 

If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is a burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people competely turn on all your outside taps so that you will go out to investigate and then attack.

Stay alert, keep safe, and look out for your neighbors! 

Please pass this on. This information should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby Theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana.

Please forward this information to all the women you know. 

It may save a life.

Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or someone you love.