Today's Business Lessons
Communications and conflicts
Two matters wanting to occupy the same space at the same time – this is the best definition of conflict that I’ve come across.
Conflicts are inevitable. There are conflicts in business organizations, and even in the home. But while they are inevitable – and this is not very well-known – conflicts are also healthy. Especially in the work place.
The problem with conflict isn’t really with the conflict itself but with the people who don’t know how to handle them. And the problem exacerbates when people don’t know how to communicate properly.
In Japan, when you say something that people agree with, they say, “Hay! Hay!” and nod their heads. However, if they don’t agree, they will nod their heads, say “Hay! Hay!”, but make a sucking sound through the teeth. It’s a culture thing.
Americans handle conflicts differently. I’ve seen on cable TV how athletes would shout at each other even with their faces just inches apart. I’m sure their faces get all wet from that. But after the call is made and hands are shaken, the conflict is resolved, and they all go back to being professionals.
Here in our country, I’ve met people who don’t know how to handle conflicts. They bear grudges, and after the handshake, begin to plot and plan how to beat the other party up.
I was in a heated debate with a business personality. As I lay down one fact after another, the volume of our voices kept rising in verbal debate. Before we realized it, we were right smack in the middle of a very heated disagreement. As I presented more facts for my argument, this personality ran out of his and suddenly shifted the conversation. “I don’t like the tone of your voice!” he argued with his finger pointed at me. Some people just don’t know how to handle disagreements.
With the opening of another year, it’s time to mature and grow up. It’s time to really know how to act, behave and speak professionally.
We want people who can engage us in a healthy and productive debate. Disagreement is good! If people are not weighing in on the topic and debating, then they will not arrive at a committed decision.
Show me a group of “Yes Men” who will never argue with the boss, and I’ll show you a lackluster company that will never come up with innovative breakthrough ideas. Why?
Because when there’s no debate in the room, ideas just won’t fly.
And here’s another truth: great relationships always involve people who can passionately disagree with one another. Author Patrick Lencioni talks about an actual case: a couple divorced. Their marriage didn’t work out. The ex-husband approached Patrick one time and said, “Patrick, I always thought that you and Laura had a bad relationship because you constantly argue. After the divorce, I just realized that my wife and I had a bad relationship because we could not disagree!!!”
Disagree but commit!
Don’t let corrupt communications come out of your mouth. Learn to disagree agreeably, and always be professional in the way you handle conflicts.
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