A secretary's rules for their boss
By Francis J. Kong
(The Philippine Star) Updated April 14, 2012
The boss became upset with his secretary one day. He told her, “Every time I want you, you’re on the phone, Miss Gonzales!”
“They were all business calls, Sir,” the secretary defended.
“Oh really?” says the boss. “Well then, in the future, please don’t address my clients as ‘darling!’”
Ooops!
In another office, the boss was giving his secretary some very important instructions.
Boss: “If Mr. Santos comes into the office today, tell him I’m out.”
Secretary: “Noted, Sir. Anything else?”
Boss: “Yes. Don’t look too busy when he shows up, or he’ll know you’re lying!”
Secretaries. How can bosses and leaders survive without them?
It is to my loss that I will miss speaking in this year’s National
Convention of the Philippine Associations of Secretaries. My hands are
tied due to other commitments. But I distinctly remember speaking to
the group some years back. Lovely people, interesting personalities.
All faithful in protecting their bosses. Many of them have become my
friends.
Are secretaries really overworked and underpaid? Maybe. But one
thing is sure: Many are not given enough credit and recognition for the
crucial role they play in the work place. Nevertheless, they wear a
smile on their face every day and work with grim determination to make
their boss succeed. Secretaries are heroes in the work place!
Here’s a piece of material I got from the Internet entitled, “Rules
of Work” – a real eye-opener for bosses like me. After reading this,
maybe bosses will understand their secretaries just a little bit better.
Rules of Work:
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4 p.m. and
then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it is really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10
minutes to inquire how it is going. That helps. Even better, hover
behind me and advise me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, do not
open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic,
and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever
be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, do not tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have
nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you do not like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, do not write them
down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing
me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you are with. I have no right
to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am the plankton. When
you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I am doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any, and it is
nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story
about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for
being such a good manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and then tell me what my goals
should have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of
living increase. I am not here for the money anyway.
Ouch! Hit me too.
Bosses like you and me have to pay a little bit more attention to
our secretaries. After all, we can’t even operate the fax machine
without them!
Be good to secretaries, and they will be good to you. Even the Bible says as much.
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