Today's Business Lessons
Redefining success
(The Philippine Star)
Updated May 18, 2013
What is success to you? Have you ever taken the time to think about this?
There are so many success seminars all over the place. Some are just
plain chicanery; others are mere mimicry of what motivational speakers
have said and written over the years, and don’t offer solid principles
that can help people live life to the full.
In my parenting and leadership workshops, I ask participants to
define what success means to them. A long silence would permeate the
room as participants are directed to do some serious thinking and
introspection. Some would say, “Success for me means getting promoted
and securing the position I desire.” Another would say, “Success for me
is to be able to make money and live comfortably for the rest of my
life.” Most of my participants would say, “Success for me is when I see
my family successful.”
“Good. Now that’s a good start,” I would say. I will then shift to
another question to further direct their thinking: “If you want your
family to be successful, then what is it that you want for your
children?”
“I want to provide them with good education.”
“I want them to have a business of their own.”
“I want my children to have stable jobs and to rise up in the career ladder working for a very successful company.”
We have different perspectives on success and different ways of achieving it.
I remember listening to a business speaker say, “If you ask American
parents what they want for their children, the typical response would
be, ‘I want my children to be happy.’ In most Asian countries, when you
ask parents what they want for their children, a most typical response
would be, ‘I want my children to be successful.’”
I guess for most people I know, success means to see their kids
achieve, produce and secure for themselves a better future. There’s
nothing wrong with this kind of success. It’s a noble goal. But
sometimes, the wrong lies in the way this goal is pursued.
Last week, my youngest daughter was weeping when she got home from
school. She was weeping because her friend in school committed suicide.
The boy would’ve graduated from college this coming June, but he jumped
from atop their school building. Sadness gripped my heart. As a parent, I
can feel the pain of losing a child, and so I posted the following
words in my Facebook status:
“Taking one’s life, especially a young one, will always be a tragedy.
Sometimes their cries and pleas are silent and unheard. How I wish I
have the opportunity to speak to every young person in this country,
tell them that their lives matter and that God loves them, in order to
build up their courage. Because it takes more courage to live than to
kill one’s self.”
A flood of comments poured in – the most I’ve ever gotten in my daily
Facebook regimen. I was flabbergasted when so many people expressed
that they’ve entertained the thought of suicide. One said that my post
was timely because she was actually contemplating of doing the same!
It’s really true that many people live lives of quiet desperation. Some
know how to deal with it, while others don’t.
What if we redefine success?
What if success doesn’t mean having our children achieve some lofty
goal in the future, but showing them we love them every single day of
our lives? What if success means balancing discipline with love, and
expressing it in such a way that they’ll grow up without thinking that a
parent’s love is predicated on kids’ performance?
What if parents effectively show their kids that they love each
other? What if kids see their parents serious in their love for and
commitment to God above all things, and they emulate it? There are so
many “What if’s”.
And what if we redefine success, and instead of a singular focus on
goals, career, money or material attainment, we emphasize relationship
enrichment? Redefine success, because relationships matter.
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