Today's Life Lessons
Job description of a dad
By Francis J. Kong
(The Philippine Star) Updated June 17, 2012
I came across this wonderful material in the Internet:
Subject: JOB DESCRIPTION
Position: DAD
Long-term team players are needed for challenging, permanent work in
an often-chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent
communication and organizational skills, and be willing to work variable
hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24-hour
shifts on call. Some overnight travel is required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments
in faraway cities. Travel expenses will not be reimbursed. Extensive
courier duties are also required.
Responsibilities
• Must provide on-site training in basic life skills, such as nose
blowing; must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and
crisis management; ability to suture flesh wounds, a plus
• Must be able to think outside of the box, without losing track of
the box, because he’ll most likely need it for a school project
• Must reconcile petty cash disbursements, and be proficient in
managing budgets and resources fairly, unless he wants to hear, “He got
more than me!” for the rest of his life
• Must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse
conditions, while simultaneously practicing above-mentioned skills in
conflict resolution
• Must be able to choose his battles wisely, and then stick to his guns
• Must be able to withstand criticism, such as “You don’t know anything!”
• Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating
• Must be willing to bite his tongue repeatedly
• Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go
from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat, in case this time the screams
from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf
• Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as
small gadget repairs, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers
• Must handle assembly and product safety testing of half a million cheap plastic toys and battery-operated devices
• Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects
• Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks
• Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next
• Must have a highly energetic entrepreneurial spirit, because fund-raiser will be his middle name
• Must have a diverse knowledge base so as to answer questions on the
fly, such as “What makes the wind move?” or “Why can’t we just stop all
wars?”
• Must always hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst
• Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product
• Other responsibilities include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility
Possibility for advancement and promotion
Virtually none. The job is to remain in the same position for years
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so
that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
Previous experience
None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
Wages and compensation
You pay your charge, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college
will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give
them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme
is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
Benefits
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, the
job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs
for life, if you play your cards right.
Need I say more?
Congratulations to all the dads in the world – those who have fulfilled or are fulfilling their roles faithfully.
Happy Father’s Day!
No comments:
Post a Comment