1. All you want to do after that knock-down, drag-out fight with your girl is apologize and have makeup sex rowdier than a rugby scrum.
2. Oh, so that's what a good cabernet tastes like.
3. You are so friggin' ready to vote you can taste metal.
4. Seven hours of uninterrupted sleep is more valuable than staying up late with the Vivid girls.
5. You feel almost no desire to get any current athlete's autograph.
6. You clean and put away your tools.
7. You fantasized about a MILF the other day, and she was the same age you are.
8. You maintain an arsenal of clippers to trim everything from hedges to grass to ear hair.
9. You actually broke up with a girl face-to-face—and took it like a man when she insulted your very manhood. Way to hang tight, bud.
2. Oh, so that's what a good cabernet tastes like.
3. You are so friggin' ready to vote you can taste metal.
4. Seven hours of uninterrupted sleep is more valuable than staying up late with the Vivid girls.
5. You feel almost no desire to get any current athlete's autograph.
6. You clean and put away your tools.
7. You fantasized about a MILF the other day, and she was the same age you are.
8. You maintain an arsenal of clippers to trim everything from hedges to grass to ear hair.
9. You actually broke up with a girl face-to-face—and took it like a man when she insulted your very manhood. Way to hang tight, bud.
10. You smell that new-car smell. In a vehicle that belongs to you.
11. You've finally learned what "escrow" means and can use it in a sentence.
12. You no longer care how much hair you have.
13. The next 10 years excite you more than the last 10—even though that past decade spawned some of the coolest memories you've got.
14. You get pissed when the Fed raises interest rates.
15. Actually, no, you don't feel like a beer.
16. You worked hard for months and saved up a couple of grand, but now that you could buy it today if you wanted to, you realize that you'd rather keep the money.
17. You think about sock color.
18. While you enjoy the lust factor, uberhotties like Britney, Paris, and Jessica ultimately repel you because they're so vacuous you expect oxygen masks to drop from the ceiling when they open their mouths.
11. You've finally learned what "escrow" means and can use it in a sentence.
12. You no longer care how much hair you have.
13. The next 10 years excite you more than the last 10—even though that past decade spawned some of the coolest memories you've got.
14. You get pissed when the Fed raises interest rates.
15. Actually, no, you don't feel like a beer.
16. You worked hard for months and saved up a couple of grand, but now that you could buy it today if you wanted to, you realize that you'd rather keep the money.
17. You think about sock color.
18. While you enjoy the lust factor, uberhotties like Britney, Paris, and Jessica ultimately repel you because they're so vacuous you expect oxygen masks to drop from the ceiling when they open their mouths.
19. But that Angelina Jolie? Anytime, anyplace.
20. Free beer no longer motivates you to help a buddy move his furniture. You do it because you know you'll laugh for most of the day, even if it sucks.
21. You suddenly realize that your dad was right.
22. You scheduled a physical on your own—and agreed to the prostate exam.
23. Your bullsh-- detector is powered not by cynicism but by reason.
24. Something thicker than a magazine can fit under your bed—and nothing in your home decor once held milk cartons.
25. Foreplay is fun!
26. Dying is real, and once a week you wonder if you're living as well as you could be. Well, are you?
20. Free beer no longer motivates you to help a buddy move his furniture. You do it because you know you'll laugh for most of the day, even if it sucks.
21. You suddenly realize that your dad was right.
22. You scheduled a physical on your own—and agreed to the prostate exam.
23. Your bullsh-- detector is powered not by cynicism but by reason.
24. Something thicker than a magazine can fit under your bed—and nothing in your home decor once held milk cartons.
25. Foreplay is fun!
26. Dying is real, and once a week you wonder if you're living as well as you could be. Well, are you?
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