Fraternal Correction

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Fraternal Correction

By FR. BEL R. SAN LUIS, SVD

September 2, 2011, 10:26pm

MANILA, Philippines — A friend was seen often in the company of a woman who was not his wife. His friends gossiped, talked, even joked as he drifted to extramarital affair. Poor guy, his marriage broke up. All the friends could say was, “I could see it coming,” but they never budged a finger to call his attention.

Many of us have the notion that loving someone means always agreeing or not hurting his or her feelings. But true love and friendship also means criticizing positively or disagreeing when a loved one goes astray. Sometimes that’s the best service you can do to a person you love

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In the gospel of this 23rd Sunday, Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault” (Mt 18,15). In teaching us about responsibility for others, Christ says that part of love is to correct the faults of others.

When we have to correct people, however,  it should not be harsh, but should be done gently in the spirit of charity and concern. As the writer Frank Clark puts it, “Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” Just as too much water destroys a plant so does too much negative criticism destroys a person’s growth. I know of strict parents who keep on scolding and negatively criticizing their children.

The kids grew up to be shy before people because they lacked self-esteem and confidence.

 

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 “Keep it between the two of you,” Christ says. If you really think that your husband is not spending enough time at home, tell him – and not to your next-door neighbor or friend. 

Or, if you think your wife is socializing too much and has no time for the household chores, tell her, and not to your barkada.

It’s not easy to speak out. But it is usually better to risk having a friction and solve a problem, rather than allow it to fester till it explodes or push the couple to break up.

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In trying to correct other’s faults, the following Aesop’s fable is worth pondering: Once the sun and wind made a bet as to who was mightier as to compel a man wearing a jacket to remove it.

“That’s easy,” the wind bragged as it blew hard and violent. But the more he did, the more the man wrapped his arms around his jacket.

It was the turn of the sun. Using no force nor violence, he simply kept raising the temperature. In no time, the man started to perspire. Unable to bear the heat, he quickly removed his jacket! The moral? A persevering, gentle approach is more effective than a harsh and negative one.

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ASK YOURSELF: When you see a relative, a friend, or co-worker going astray, do you try to call his or her attention, as the Lord tells us? And when you’re corrected, do you get angry? Or would you rather reflect that there may be some truth and be guided accordingly?

Because we are all human having weaknesses and faults, fraternal correction will always be necessary.